Respect Life Month: International speaker outlines costs of sexual relations outside of marriage
Pam Stenzel addresses more than 900 people — including more than 400 students and seminarians — during Right to Life of Indianapolis’ annual “Celebrate Life Dinner” in Indianapolis on Oct. 3. (Photo by Natalie Hoefer)
Compiled by Natalie Hoefer
Pam Stenzel, who creates DVDs, books and curriculums on chastity and sexual integrity and speaks annually to more than 500,000 students around the world on the topic, spoke at Right to Life of Indianapolis’ annual “Celebrate Life Dinner” at the Marriott Downtown in Indianapolis on Oct. 3. (Related story: Right to Life dinner celebrates ‘lifesavers’ and drop in abortions)
Below are excerpts from her talk:
‘Educate a generation on chastity’
“For nine years, I would have girls in [the pregnancy center she directed in Minnesota] say, ‘Pam, I didn’t know. If someone had told me this would be the result of the choice I made, I would have made a different choice.’
“I began to realize that we had a lot of students out there making decisions about sex, having no idea what the ultimate consequence would be. …
“Part of building a culture of life is that we educate a generation on sexual integrity, on chastity. This is the root of the problem [of youths making bad decisions]. …
“I got a call from the HHS [U.S. Department of [Health and Human Services] asking if I would come and keynote [their] conference for all of the abstinence educators that they’re required to go through. …
“I was talking to some of my colleagues [after the first day of
the conference] and they said,
‘… Kathleen Sebelius got in front of 300 educators from across this country and said, ‘I don’t care what you teach your kids at home, but if you’re going to take government money to teach sex education in school, you’re going to teach abortion, birth control and condoms, or you will lose your funding.’ And then she said, ‘Abstinence doesn’t work.’
“[The next day at the conference] I said, ‘I heard that last night somebody told you that abstinence doesn’t work. I don’t know what medical information you have that I am not aware of, but last I checked abstinence works 99.99999999 percent of the time!’ …”
‘There will be a cost’ for extra-marital relations
“We live in a culture that believes you can sin safely. It cannot be done. ‘Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. You will reap what you sow’ [Gal 6:7]. And the wages of sin is death. Every single time. Not occasionally, not once in a while. Every single time.
“So when we talk about a culture of death, what we are actually talking about is a culture that has rejected God, rejected his law, rejected his truth … .
“God created sex, but he created it with a boundary. And when sex happens in that boundary, it’s awesome. Outside that boundary it’s horribly destructive.
“What is the boundary, the context for which God created sex? Marriage. Can I tell you something—your kids don’t believe that. Do you know how many kids I’ve had in my clinic go to church every week, go to Mass, be confirmed, show up in my clinic and say, ‘But we loved each other?’
“God did not create sex for love—that is not the boundary. He created sex for one context and one context only: permanent and lifetime commitment, marriage. …
“I love God’s law because it’s easy: either you’re married, or you’re not. You can’t be almost married or kind of married any more than you can be kind of pregnant.
“And this is not just a teenage issue. No matter what your age is, if you’re not married, don’t do it! If you are married, go for it—with the person you’re married to.
“Here’s the thing we all have to understand—that if you have sex outside of marriage, there will be a cost—physically, emotionally, spiritually, there’s a cost. …”
Five STD’s in 1950s, more than 30 now
“What’s the biggest fear of teenagers having sex? Pregnancy. I’ve got a news flash for you: pregnancy is not a disease! It’s actually survivable!
“Girls will come into our pregnancy clinics scared to death, waiting for the results of that test. I walk in, look at that little girl and say, ‘Your pregnancy test is negative, sweetheart. You’re not pregnant.’ She gets this look of relief over her face. ‘I’m not pregnant? Thank you very much. Let me out of your clinic.’ …
“This girl is in my clinic and thinks she could be pregnant, but doesn’t think she could have an STD [sexually transmitted disease]. …
“I wish I could tell you it was different in the Christian and Catholic high schools than it is in the public, but I cannot—every single high school, I’ll have a girl write me or e-mail or come right up to me and say, ‘My mom thought I was having sex and so she put me on the Pill.’ What’s that protecting the girl from? Pregnancy. That hormone, pill or shot that this girl is taking has just made her 10 times more likely to contract an STD than if she were not taking that drug. This little girl could end up sterile or dead.
“Is pregnancy the worst thing that could happen to a kid today if they have sex? Never. The CDC [Centers for Disease Control] released its stats [on Sept. 26]: we have the highest STD infection [rate] we have ever seen since we’ve been studying this. We had over 20 million new infections last year of STDs, and 62 percent of them are people between the ages of 15-24.
“In the 1950s, we had five sexually transmitted diseases. Welcome to 2017—we now have over 30 sexually transmitted infections, 30 percent of them absolutely incurable. That means you get this thing, and you’ve got it for life. …
“Guys, when you’re getting ready to get married … look her in the eye and say, ‘Marry me! By the way, I’ve got genital warts. You and me will need to be treated for the rest of our lives. In fact, you’ll probably end up needing a radical hysterectomy, get cervical cancer and end up dead. But marry me!’ …
“Right now, they estimate that in our high schools, one in four students is infected with an STD today. One of the primary problems of STD’s today is future infertility. Infertility in women has risen 500 percent in one decade. … Now at 26, you’re desperately trying to have children and you cannot. … You think that STDs are no big deal, but our kids are experiencing cancer, cervical cancer, hysterectomies and massive infertility because of the choices they made.”
‘All choices will be really difficult’
“Pregnancy is a consequence, though. When I had girls that I had to tell their test was positive, immediately they wanted the easiest, most painless way out of this pregnancy they didn’t plan. I have to look at this little girl and say, ‘Guess what? All of your choices at this point are going to be really difficult. … Abortion is painful. Abortion hurts women. Abortion fixes nothing. It not only takes the life of the child, but also damages that woman and damages a lot of fathers as well.
“Parenting is not an easy choice. Eighty percent of teen girls who choose to parent their child will live below the poverty level for at least 10 years, and 90 percent will never attend or graduate from college. …
“Today, the number one indicator of poverty is single-parent households and the age of that young girl when she began parenting alone.
“The third option a young girl has which I think is best, but not without pain, is adoption. … Two million requests for adoption will go unanswered this year in our country. …”
Don’t end child’s life—end the crisis
After sharing her adoption story (see related article above), Stenzel said:
“I’ve heard this said [by Catholics] in the Church: ‘Well, I wouldn’t have an abortion, I wouldn’t kill my child, but if it were raped…’
“I don’t believe that. I believe that every child is wanted by someone, and I believe that God in his mercy had a plan for me. …
“My God is so awesome and so amazing that he is capable of taking your worst pain, whether it was something you chose or it was something that was done to you, and my God can make something very beautiful come from that.
“The answer to an unplanned pregnancy is not to end the life of the child—it’s to end the crisis.
“What we’ve learned is that we have to love the mother. We need to walk alongside her and love her. … We need to make sure they understand that no matter what they’ve done or what mistake that they’ve made, that there is a God who loves them, who is willing to forgive them, has forgiven them, and that there’s healing and redemption, and they can pick up and move on. …
“My Bible says, ‘If you will confess your sin, he who is faithful in judgment will forgive you, will save you from all unrighteousness, will throw your sin as far away as the east is from the west ’ (1 Jn 1:9).
“But the sacrament of penance is not about saying ‘I’m sorry’ to God about your sin on Tuesday night so you can do it again on Friday. It is a 180-degree turn from sin to righteousness. ….
“So if we’re going to build a culture of life … and end abortion, [we need to bring] grace—and that’s the Gospel, and mercy, and compassion, and this is what the Church of Jesus Christ is called to do. …
“[St.] Mother Teresa of Calcutta said these words …: ‘God did not call us to be successful. He called us to be faithful.’ May we continue to be faithful in our cause.” †
Related: Chastity speaker conceived through rape finds home in Church
